Gatekeeping Identities (YOU SHALL NOT PASS)

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Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Personally, it depends on the day. On my good days, I see a trans Kevin Hart (shh). On my bad days, I can only focus on my face, too afraid to look down, knowing very well what is waiting to look right back at me, pointy eyes and all.

It sucks, yes. Most of the time I don't even pay attention to them, because to acknowledge their presence would be to send myself into a hell of my own. I don't want to let them bother me, so I ignore them. I really hope that we're on the same page here. If you know, you know.

But you see, the downside of ignoring them is that I don't feel trans enough. If you don't get dysphoria, does that nullify your transness? Does that mean that you're not trans anymore? That you're just faking it? These are the questions that run through my head almost every hour of the day. Compare it to a cuckoo clock, you know. . . when that little bird pops out every hour? Yeah.

Except instead of "cuckoo" my brain goes "You ain't trans enough" on repeat like a trained parrot. If you want an accurate description of what it sounds like, imagine it in the voice of Rumpelstiltskin.

If I may ask, who decided there was a scale? Who made the "trans rules?" Sometimes, even when it's unspoken, there's always the air of "Because you experience less dysphoria than me, I am more trans than you." We can't ignore the fact that this happens. It has the same energy as people who say being bi means that you're actually half gay/half straight.

And to that I say,

?????

Why are we competing with each other to be queer? It's not a race, there is no winner. There is nobody who will gift you the prize for being the "Trans-est guy" or "Most bisexual." Although if you do know someone who does, and the awards come in the form of money, you know where my email is.

Encourage and support your siblings for who they are. It makes no sense to be fighting each other, when most of the world is already against us. (Although the tides are turning, I hope).

Wait. . . which way are they turning?

You are trans, no matter what level of dysphoria you experience. You are lesbian even if you have dated men in the past. You are gay (why are you gae?), even if you have dated women in the past. You are asexual even if you have had sexual intercourse (going for the government name here), in the past.

Only you can label yourself. And if you have no labels, that's fine too. Life is aloha, right?

If you ever need to be reminded, just come back here:

BE WHO YOU ARE, FOR YOUR PRIDE

Love,

Miles