Healing or In Hell?

Am I a queer cliche if I confess to never having fallen in love?

Don't answer that I already check more boxes than I want to when it comes to queer stereotypes. First of all, I'm a short trans man (Bless those family genes, Amen). To all you tall transmascs out there, I'm holding grudges. I pray both sides of your pillow are warm. #HealinHell

Anyway, back to my confession. I have never fallen in love. But wait, could it have been love when the girl I was crushing on in high school brutally crushed me, and I spent an entire month wailing in the bathroom at home? Was that love, or was it an ego bruise? Raise your hand if you've ever been in this situation.

Excuse me? Yes, you bunch hiding behind your Doc Martens. Raise those hands fully in the air.

When she crushed me, that was when my character arc began. The plot only got juicier and juicier after that month, but the details are only for my producers to know ;)

I had my first girlfriend when I moved out of my parent's house. You would think that, after two years of watching TikTok and Instagram couples in my bedroom and swearing that I was going to sleep on the highway every night or take a shower with my blow-dryer, I would be incredibly happy. Well. I have nothing to say except, I liked her, but there was no love. God, how ungrateful do I sound right now?

My first relationship made me realize that I am a Capricorn stereotype through and through. That means I can't fall in love with someone or get into a relationship unless I have been friends with them for two and a half lifetimes. I take a while to fall in love, but I know that when I do, I fall deep. At least, now I know that. And I know that I will get to fall in love with someone who is in love with me too. It will happen. If there are any other Capricorns out there, we're in this together, right?

. . . Right?

I tried to make myself feel something, anything for her. But what I didn't realize at the time was that I was crossing my own boundaries. Your first relationship really teaches you a lot about who you are as a person. I can say that I've grown, physically, emotionally and mentally since then.

If you have a first relationship story (or any relationship, really), hit us up! Wherever you are in the world, we'll feature you either right here on our blog, or on our podcast. Whatever your heart desires.

Remember, your story is featured anonymously, unless you state otherwise.

Love,

Miles