Magic

On Breaking Your Brain

My thought process is like one of those conspiracy theory holes you drown in on social media, like aliens, or is the government secretly feeding us steroids to get a more capable workforce? Better yet. . . did dinosaurs know that the meteor was going to come and destroy them, so they left in a spaceship before that, to another planet that we don't know? Think about it, we as humans have lived millions of years and yes, we have come far, with the internet and television, but the dinosaurs lived for billions of years, what kind of technology could they have invented? What if they came back a while ago, that's why we have legends of dragons in Chinese mythology, but they went back because the earth was too cold for them? And now, they're using their very advanced technology to prepare the earth for their return, that's why we have global warming? Did you know that we have found a source of fuel from extinct plants that's very useful to our advancing technology, but it causes global warming? So, the dinosaurs are literally tricking us into making the earth a nice warm oven for them. Did I break your brain?

The email address is at the bottom of every page on this site :)

Maybe I'm a Perfectionist. . .who's to say?

I spend a lot of time thinking. I like to do things right, and I absolutely hate making mistakes. Does that make me a control freak? Eh, there's no real answer to that. I want to find just the right words to say, just the right thing to do and just the right box to fit into. I don't know why it has taken me 18 years to figure out that that is not possible. Yes, I'm 18. Read it and weep.

On Growing Up Religious

The thing is, how many mistakes am I going to keep making? That's life. We make mistakes. I make mistakes. If you're human, you'll say it with me. I make mistakes. For people like me, however, who grew up in religion, we've never really been given the space to make mistakes, have we? It was always that if you do something wrong, you're bad. You will burn, or whatever the consequence to doing something 'bad' is in your religion. You always felt like you had to do the right thing, you had to be good so you can please your parents and the god that they've told you to worship. In my head as a child, I used to tell myself, "Ok, if I do this 'good' thing, my parents will be happy, and they'll love me, they'll show me that they love me." I had to overachieve to receive their love. Or maybe that was just the life of the 'golden kid' in the family. Regardless, there was no space to make mistakes.

P.s. Dear Mom and Dad, love means giving me the space to be myself around you, not just food, clothing and shelter. Those are basic needs. I am grateful for them, very. Although there's one thing I feel like you should know. Health comes in 3 ways. Physical, mental and spiritual. I wish you had spent some time to love who I am, instead of forcing clay on me and molding me into a (gorgeous) pot to hold all of your expectations :)

On Opening the Gift of Being Our True Selves (Just like Christmas)

I know we've just met through this article, so it may be entirely too early to mention trauma but, we may spend a whole lifetime trying to figure out who we are and learning to undo what we have been taught to believe for all those years. I can't tell you what's harder, the undoing or the learning. Nope, actually, I can. It's the undoing. How do you draw the line between who you really are and who you have been told to be all your life? Where does the line start? Where does it end?

*Cue internal crisis as I stress eat*

I really hope you don't think I have advice in this post, because I am just as clueless as you. I mean, the best way out, or past it is through, right? You can't get out of the woods without going through it. That is why I created this website, and the podcast that comes along with it. I find learning from each other the best way to grow.

If you'd like, head to our contact page, or our team page to sign up to SABS and find out more about this mysterious podcast of ours. It comes out very soon. Maybe, just maybe, we can find that magic in each other. That magic that can help us grow into who we really are. All this magic talk is making me want to watch Barbie of Swan Lake. If you were a kid once, then you know Barbie of Swan Lake. Wait wait wait. . .

On Spoiling Your Childhood

Barbie of Swan Lake, right? She was turned into a swan by an evil, bad wizard, saved by a fairy who promised that she will be human. . . but, here's the catch. She has to turn back into a swan by night. Sound familiar? To me, yes. I was turned into a religious, Bible-thumping individual at a very young age, homophobic, transphobic just because I was told to be. Hating people I didn't even know, just because of who they are. Oh boy.

Then along came my first college experience and voila, I got to be myself, because I was away from my parents. I'm pretty sure that that's the case for most of us. But by night (when I'm around my parents), I turn back into the ol' swan, except less beautiful and more hateful. It's a dark and cold place, just like nighttime. Please accept my apology if I've ruined the child-like lenses that you used to watch Barbie of Swan Lake, I sincerely hope that I've not ruined the movie for you. Yeah, you'll be fine.

On New Things

It's a cycle. I recently used to be afraid of experiences. Not even new experiences alone, just experiences in general. "Experience is the best teacher." I hate that expression. I wanted to prevent getting hurt, because I didn't want to feel like I did as a kid when I made a mistake, and so I did everything in my power to learn 'the right thing.' In the process, I kept losing myself in the 'shoulds.' What I should do. Who I should be. Who I should talk to. How I should dress. Ugh. Let's maybe not talk about that part of my life. It was exactly what I was doing when I was a kid, being raised in the religion that shall not be named. Oh, those were dreadful times.

You know, I'm talking about it as if it was years ago, I'm still turning into a swan by nightfall. You're not alone, don't ever think that you are. Being here will remind you of that. The podcast will remind you of that. The forum section on this website will also remind you of that. You're swarming with reminders, might just start using them as currency.

On Growing into Ourselves

New is scary. Change can be good, but scary as hell. Leaving your old self, who you were told you should be, who you've been all your life, is scary. Because being that person is comfortable, it's who you've always known. But, at some point, it gets heavy, and annoying, I know it's gotten heavy and annoying for me, and you just want to be yourself. That doesn't mean that you have to come out. We have this space, so you and I can have a place to be our full selves, 24/7. So we can learn about who we are and jump into this new person that's been hiding away from us for a very long time. You can be out, loud and proud on this website. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you're scared, then that's a sign that you should do it?" I want to learn about this person that comes in my body (get your head out of the gutter) so, I'll jump in.

On Subscribing :)

Jump in with me. The pool is warm and refreshing, and not because somebody peed in it. Let's hope none of you was that kid. If you don't know how to swim, well, you'll learn. I know that I talk in tongues a lot, my friends are constantly confused, but they love me. Anyway, let me bid you goodbye, au revoir and kwaheri.

I hope you enjoyed this first post and what the website has to offer. Find SABS on Instagram too @sabs_kenya. I hope you have a good, whatever part of the day you're in.

With love from me,

Miles <3